i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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