My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
