I want to make a zoo with you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
