if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
