Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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