Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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