we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
