Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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