I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
