my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need moral support for this bender
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
