you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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