When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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