READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
