I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
