I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
