oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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