Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
