Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
