chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they're like a gay fantastic four
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
