he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
