he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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