I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
