So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
