drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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