someone owes me an orgasm
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we're so committed to being not committed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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