office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
