If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
