glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
