just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
