I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
