some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
