Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
