you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
