I think I am morally bankrupt
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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