I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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