I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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