Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
