There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
