No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
