This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
