i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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