Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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