i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
