Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
