I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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