I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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