My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
