That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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