I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
