But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
