I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
